A Path, A Road, A Way

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I wanted to be Madonna. It's true, also, I wanted to be Cyndi Lauper, and Janet Jackson. It was hard, not being them, growing up. I was SO into stars, and music, and clearly, dreaming big, my favourite night of the week was Friday so I could watch "Friday Night Videos" and don't get me started on "Intimate & Interactive" on Canada's music TV station "Much Music." I wanted to be a "Mini Pop" and on Saturday mornings my favourite show was "Kids Incorporated." Don't get me started on Musical Youth or Olivia Newton John, either. I had a tickle trunk which I would pore over regularly, so I could find something to make me look the part of who I wanted to be so badly; a musician, a singer, a star.

I was thirteen years old when I sang the first song I ever sang, on stage. It was a piece from the musical "Annie" you may remember called "Tomorrow." I was thrilled with the reaction from the people but still, it would be a few more years until the next live 'on stage' performance. Where I would sing Sinead O'Connor's "Black Boys on Mopeds." I didn't sing again until a few more years, this time the lead in our high school musical "Anything Goes" my name was Reno Sweeney. It was a blast, but I would go onto the University of Ottawa, finish school, and move to Newfoundland before my first solo "Singer Songwriter" gig.

I had big dreams that LUCK would come in and steal me away from my mundane bartending/washroom cleaning/dish scrubbing/serving jobs. But life continued on and things just worked out the way they worked out. There was hope that I would "make it" and it wasn't for years, almost ten years in, that I realized I have made it. Not in the same way that I thought when I was a kid, dreaming about Prince and Annie Lennox, dance moves, costumes, wigs and make-up (which come into play, at times, to be sure, but there is no eighteen wheeler carting my stuff around!)

The most important thing I learned (actually, words of wisdom from Keith Urban, no less!) was that we all have our own path. We forge our own way, and there is value to being an individual, not trying to be someone else.

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It took me years for those words to finally sink in, but thankfully they have and I am very okay with the path that I am on. I wrote this piece today, as a healthy reminder to myself to lessen the self-imposed pressure!  Things get bad sometimes, and I lose a little faith in myself and the path I am on. This is also okay, we all falter and get "lost" at times and we don't feel like we are ever doing enough. Another important thing I found out (through life experience itself) is that life is complex and incredibly intricate. There are HUGE amounts of things that fill up a life, and every single one can have it's own importance... Smell the roses, polish your boots, hug a friend, call your Mother, pay the bills, go for a walk, drink water, cook something healthy, dance to your favourite song, make it happen, work hard, hang your laundry in the sun, soak in a bath, savour chocolate, road-trip, read, paint, Love, laugh, cry, ponder, wander, leave, stay.....

No one is ever any ONE thing.

We are an abundance, and so very lucky to be here, carving out our very own way. 

Ten Life Hacks

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1) If you want to do something new in your life, do it. Stop listening to that little voice inside your head that says "NO! You will fail!!" Fight that voice, go learn the mandolin or train yourself to get fit, or take a cooking course. Go out and be YOU. You can always change into something that you never were! Who says one has to do one thing their whole lives. With change being the 'one true constant' why not go out and try some new stuff on for size??? Who says?? The only one getting in the way of you, is you. Go out and hunt for life, for LIFE!

2) There are always two sides to every story. You can pick one side, for sure, but you have to be open to the fact that there IS another side. It IS there. Don't discount others because they don't choose the same side as you. Unless they are sociopaths or murderers. Then you are right. But only then. 

3) Be nice to people. If you don't want to be nice to people, fine, that is your choice. BUT don't be mean, being mean serves no one. Even if you are right to say mean things, because you are RIGHT, it won't change things. Telling someone who is over-weight NOT to eat the bag of cheezies will make the person feel worse than they already do, but it won't stop them from eating the cheezies, unless they don't want to eat the cheezies, then they will stop. Giving shit to someone because they smoke... There is no point. Everyone who smokes (or over-eats) knows what they are doing might not be the best thing for them, but we all have choices, and we will make wrong choices and right choices. That is life. We are human.

4) Go outside and take a deep breath (preferably not around a smoker, or on the busiest city street with bus fumes etc) But when you get home, stand there for a second, inhale deeply. Put some new air into your lungs. Shallow breaths only get you so far. Deep breathing can really give you a sense of something better, deeper,  and can calm you. Also, stopping to really breathe it all in means you are stopping. They didn't come up with the cliché "Stop and Smell the Roses" for nothing. It is okay to press pause for a moment. Pressing pause can also be like a reset button. 

5) If you are REALLY REALLY angry, take a second to breathe. If you swear and yell and accuse and blaim and be angry at someone right when you are angry, you won't get it right. Things won't come out right and no one likes to be yelled at so pretty much your emotions will fall on deaf ears. So, press pause and then get back to whatever it is 'eating you' and talk about it when you are calm, like the next day. Plus, all that waiting will put stuff into perspective a little, and you might just be able to make your point. A screaming match can feel great from time to time, but never, ever does all that yelling change things. Calm and Peace change things.

6) If it looks like someone is being an asshole, i.e cutting you off while you are driving, or letting a door slam in your face while entering a restaurant or shop or whatever... There might be a good reason. They MIGHT be pregnant and racing to the hospital or they might be rushing through the door racing after their three year old. Look, there is always another side to things. Unless they are just being an asshole, then it is still not your problem, unless they are holding a knife up to your throat, then yeah, it's your problem.

7) Don't marry someone unless you feel it deep in your bones that it is a good choice. If you have serious doubts, then LISTEN to those serious doubts. Before I got married, I asked around to folks who had been married for years and years (out of curiosity people!) What are the most important things/advice you can say to a gal who is just about to tie the knot? The one that sticks out the most is that you have to be okay with the things you don't like about the person. They will, most likely never change. So (as an example) if you are marrying an addict, they will most likely fight those addiction demons for a huge part of their life. Are you ready to help? Because only you can change YOU. When you know who you want to marry, you KNOW. There are no doubts. When there are doubts, don't do it. This goes with all things 'relationship' just give it time, time will always tell.. Of all the people I know who had doubts before marriage, they are all either a) divorced/separated or b) unhappy. Seriously listen to your GUT right from the start.

8) Get outside. Move your body. Your body will carry you to every single concert, family dinner, movie, meeting, dance, restaurant, bedroom, back yard BBQ that you will ever go to. It is not just a thing, it is your entire life. Do you want to be able to continue to do such things?? Go outside. Or, okay,  buy a treadmill, but move. Move your body. Stretch, move. Breathe. Getting out, moving, stretching, breathing etc etc WILL change your negative perspective on life to positive. When you get your blood pumping, you will be amazed at how you are able to resolve those pesky little problems. This stuff will also, and here's the kicker, PREVENT problems from happening as well!!

9) Suss out a room when you walk in to it. If you are not the Birthday Boy or Honoured Guest, then walk around and get to know who the folks are before you make an arse of yourself.  Look around, suss it out before you howl at the moon because it's full. No one likes a loud mouth or a perceived attention seeker. First impressions last a long time. No, it isn't important to worry about what people think, but there might be someone of importance in there that could help you in the future. Oh and here's another kicker; don't burn bridges because of alcohol. 

10) Nothing is 100% unless the person is a socio-path or murderer. Then some things are 100% but only then. Be open. Don't be closed. Life is long, things are gonna come, things are gonna happen! Unless life ends tragically, then life is short, but then and only then, life is short. For all others, who live for 80 or more years, it is LONG!! Put some stuff in there, some stuff your friends and family will remember you for. Be the dude who howls at the full moon at a party. Remember, nothing is 100% and there is an exception to every rule.